It’s getting close to Halloween. My favourite time of year. Apart from when the trick or treaters ring my doorbell hoping to get a fistful of my candy, obviously, but I’ve learned to take the batteries out of the indoor part of my doorbell now. Sod the kids. I want the candy.
Seeing as it’s the time of year to talk about all things horrifying, I decided that it might be fun to share some of my most horrific vape experiences. It’s been close to eight years since I first made the switch, and I’ve used my fair share of devices during that time. Not as many as some of the other vape reviewers, of course, but I like to take my time and review the actual crap out of a device before I give my final verdict.
I’m slow. And clumsy. I’ll throw a vape around. Drop it on the floor. Kick it. Drop it in a cup of tea. Fill it with the wrong eliquid. Use the wrong coil. Smash a tank. All mostly accidentally, but sometimes on purpose. As you can probably imagine, I have a fair few stories to tell. And tell them I shall! I hope you’re sitting comfortably, a cup of tea or coffee in hand. Please don’t laugh at me.
My Most Horrific Vape Experiences [Part One]
(My horrific morning face ☝🏻)
That Time a Device Insulted Me
This isn’t really a horrifying story, but the Artery Lady Q vape pen thing really was a trick, rather than a treat. The entire design was clearly designed by a man. It seemed to be made up of all the things men THINK women want, and not what female vapers actually want from a device. Yes, I’m generalising, but it’s a LIPSTICK. Generalising again: women haven’t wanted lipstick-looking anything — apart from actual lipstick — since “adult” manufacturers turned the beauty product into a high street sex toy.
Not only was the lipstick-style device utterly laughable, but it broke within a couple of weeks. I gave it one star in the review, and that’s literally only because it *did* work for a while.
Read more here: Artery Lady Q Review
That Time A Stranger Touched My Vape
I’ll get right to the point — someone I didn’t know touched my vape with dirty hands and dirty fingernails, leaving smudgy prints all over it, and then VAPED WITH IT. Oh my God, they didn’t even ask me if they could use it. They just grabbed it and used it. No warning. No alert. Nothing.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MATE?
To be fair, what would I have said if he had asked?
“No, please don’t touch my vape. It’s mine. Put it down.”
That feels a little childish. It is just a vape. I would have forgiven him if he’d just touched it, but he didn’t. He put it in his mouth, inhaled, and then repeated the action THREE times. I shared a mouthpiece with that man. I didn’t even know him and he had dirty fingers and WE SHARED A MOUTHPIECE. It actually felt like I’d been violated.
I have so many drip tips here, it’s not even funny. But noooooo, he had to use mine, didn’t he? I wouldn’t share a mouthpiece with someone in my family, let alone a total stranger. Grrrr.
There are rules that you need to follow if you want to be a vaper. If there aren’t rules, there should be some.
The first of which should very clearly state:
You must not touch thy neighbours vape device without first asking.
The second will obviously say:
You must not stick thy gob around thy neighbour’s vape ever, unless you have your own drip tip.
That Time Diet Coke Almost Killed Me
Okay, it didn’t actually almost kill me, but I certainly felt like I was close to death for a little while. It was a few years back and a buddy of mine wanted to empty out his tank so that he could change the coil. He grabbed what he thought was an empty bottle of Diet Coke, opened his tank, poured the eliquid into it, changed the coil, rinsed the tank, refilled it (not from the Diet Coke bottle, obviously), and we went about our evening, probably playing Xbox games and eating pizza.
Later on that night, I reached for what I believed to be a different bottle of Diet Coke. Two huge gulps down, I started to feel a little … odd. My vision went blurry and zig-zag-like around the edges, my skin went cold, and I felt really sick. I HADN’T reached for a different bottle of Diet Coke at all; I’d grabbed the bottle that my friend had emptied his tank into. Brown eliquid in brown liquid. I couldn’t tell the difference.
I know what you’re thinking: a tank of eliquid is only 2ml, so how sick could you have been, Kim?
We’re talking pre-TPD days here, folks. The 2ml tank restriction didn’t exist. I think it was a 3.5 or 4 ml tank. Either way, there was enough eliquid to make me feel VERY unwell, for at least 45 minutes. There was actual vomit. I thought I was going to pass out. I couldn’t tell if the gallons of water I was drinking was making things better or worse, but it was at least making me throw up the awfulness.
Lessons were learned that day. I now NEVER drink the last little bit of fluid in a bottle of Diet Coke (or any drink). My friend and I also both learned that the only place to throw eliquid away is down the sink.
That shiz ALWAYS happens to me.
That Time a Device Totally Confused ME
The Vaptio P-III Gear was an awesome-looking bit of kit. I was so excited to use it when it turned up for review. The tank was amazing, and I loved it for both flavour and cloud production. Sadly, I couldn’t use the tank with the box it came with. Why? Because the only way you could tell which mode you were vaping in, and also the wattage, was by working out what the combination of coloured lights meant. No screen. No dials. Just a couple of buttons and a bunch of different colours.
I found the box so confusing, I had to carry the instructional manual everywhere I went. Every time I wanted to change the watts, I had to flick through the manual, find the right colour combo I needed, and then try to recreate it on the device. A few days of that crap and I was well and truly done with it. Such a shame. When I managed to find the mode and power level I was looking for, it worked like a fricking treat.
Read more here: Vaptio P-III Gear Review
That Time I Set Up 5 Wrong Tanks
I’d received a load of Decadent Vapours eliquids in a cute, green package, and I’d been so eager to try them all out on video. I set everything up — 5 sub-ohm tanks, 5 sub-ohm boxes, a fresh layer of warpaint on my face, hair all cute …
I pressed record, got myself ready to start talking, and then realised that the five eliquids I had in my hand weren’t sub-ohm eliquids at all. They were mouth-to-lung eliquids. Bloody good ones, I must add, but still not right for the five tanks I’d just taken the last 45 minutes getting ready.
I rummaged around my vape paraphernalia, desperately looking for five mouth-to-lung devices/tanks/coils/vape pens, but I had nothing. My stores were MTL-dry. I could find NOTHING. Nothing but the raging hump.
In short, I spent 2 hours of my life getting my face and hair ready for my afternoon on camera, 30 minutes setting up the camera and recording area, 45 minutes setting up the sub-ohm devices, 1 hour trying to find mouth-to-lung bits I could use, and then 30 minutes sat on the floor with my head in my hands because it was all so dramatic.
And that’s why I don’t record videos as often as I’d like, ladies and gentlemen. I’m a mess of a human being. Plus, I get a stutter when my anxiety plays up and it takes me too long to edit out the crap. Don’t get me started on all the bloopers. I could make actual Youtube videos just of bloopers. Maybe I’ll do it sometime. Would you want to see it?
(We’re talking about entire bottles of eliquid dropped in my lap, lids popping off halfway around the room, Nutella on my chin, vapes not working and me throwing them on the floor, forgetting I’d already pressed record and singing Beyonce at the top of my lungs — badly …)
Those Times I Didn’t Prime For Long Enough
You’d think a gal would learn after a while, but I still find myself falling victim to the dreaded dry-hit from time to time. One of the worst times was when I didn’t leave the Innokin Scion tank’s coil to prime for long enough and the dry hit was SO bad, I actually threw up.
It. Was. That. Bad.
Let’s not forget about that time that I used the Aspire Gusto Mini for the first time and clearly didn’t leave the coil in the pod to prime for long enough. The face … it wasn’t pretty. That burnt taste … it’s not nice.
Honestly, if I could give a new vaper just one tip, it would be to leave a new coil to prime for a couple of minutes before using it. And to read this blog post, obviously: The Importance of Priming Your Coil.
And there you have them — a few of my most horrific vape experiences. Admittedly, they’re not really *that* horrific, but they certainly felt it at the time.
Do you have any vape horror stories you’d like to share? I came up with more as I was writing this, and I decided to bring you a second part. Keep your eyes peeled for it. If you’d like your horror story featured, get in touch! Let’s add yours to the list!
Thanks for reading today!